How many Groups will I Belong to?

 In this age of over clutter of information, messages, and good wishes for birthdays and festivals I am all the time wondering which group I should respond to.

I am unable to handle excessive information and excessive good wishes. All the wishes that I get on festival days or birthdays or anniversaries I just scroll through them quickly not to be very rude.

But also people who have not wished or are not a part of any group are dear to me, close to me, and intimate to me. So what is the meaning of intimacy and closeness that I hold in my mind is relevant?

Just being part of a Whatsapp group tons of messages are forwarded by hundreds of people. Actually, to me, I would prefer a relationship where communication is where one shares and express oneself.

People find me snooty and a snob because I don’t want to belong to any group. There are lots of promises made where people say they will not send any forwards and the information will be task-based or personal.

However, I discover that most of the time these promises are broken and nobody wants to confront the group as an entity by itself. If one person wishes somebody in the group hundred others will remember “Oh! It is his birthday” and I should not be left out. So there is a tirade of Happy Birthday messages from ninety-nine others.

Do we really value this kind of relationship and intimacy or do we have the courage to say I am not one of them and therefore I shall resist all temptations to be part of the Whatsapp group.

Can we form a code of conduct? By defining its membership criteria, its boundaries, its values, and ethics?

Even groups that are being formed for fun need to have some boundaries and ethics.

Who will take the leadership to bell the cat? Because everybody wants to be the nice person saying yes to everything that is happening in the group.

People make fun of others behind their back about messages sent on the group but nobody has the courage to actually confront the person who is breaking the norms of a group.

 I only crib and cry and feel very helpless unable to really do anything.

This is my angst with the world. Hope somebody will listen and respond.

Author:-Dr. Nayana Shah (Ph.D.)

           Director, Manthan

             Ahmedabad 

Comments

  1. Sudeshna bhojiaOctober 20, 2021 at 12:23 AM

    Very relevant topic under the scanner today.

    ‘Man is a social animal’, said Aristotle years ago, human races proved and realized the importance of his statement by the passage of time. Individuals live in groups and can not separate themselves from being part of a group. Individuals have their own importance, their behaviours and performance can not be ignored as these influence the behaviours and production of groups they belong to. (source- Wikipedia)

    I agree that many of the birthday/ anniversary wishes/ even obituaries are superficial and put in just to be a part of the group, propelled by the FOMO (Fear of Missing out) factor.

    I have removed my D.O.B from the FB to avoid the rush of virtual messages from all over.

    Yes, I also agree that there should be norms for every group. And it does irritate me when people violate these norms. Internet etiquette is something we all need to get groomed into. Initially I used to behave like a gatekeeper (in one of my professional groups)... springing up when people started sending unnecessary forwards. And yes, I too became unpopular, people started avoiding me, not responding to my discussion streams etc.

    And, I am fine with it.

    However, in some groups esp those where there are senior citizens, I do not come down so heavily.
    It's Ok--- mistakes do happen- some are not intentional and many forwards happened without them knowing also.

    I have learnt this from my teen son - 'just chill'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UttaraOctober 20, 2021 at 4:54 AM

    Hi Nayana M,
    Great topic for discussion. Everyone in my world discusses this in smaller more informal ways quite often. But I think this form of communication is just “new” for certain generations, who struggle to understand the meaning and essence behind it. I feel that I am young enough and have been nuclear for long enough to feel that e-messaging is just part of my life. I navigated it as a teenager with emails first and then increasingly messaging and now social media. My communication has evolved at the same pace as the technology. For an even younger generation, they know no other way, so it’s as natural as hugging someone! Just like when telephoning was new, and a generation was needed for it to become “‘natural” and just part of your life, so it’s the same with messaging and groups. I have a lot of clarity on etiquette and boundaries in my own head and I seldom wonder if I need to respond or if I can ignore something. Maybe I do offend others by something being ignored, but no more than we would do in a non-virtual setting. No one gets it right all the time!
    But in a nutshell, I think a lot of the things you wonder about are a generational issue, and I doubt if any of these things would ever occur to my son’s generation, who does video calls and messages in his sleep even! My generation has been in the sweet-spot, where we knew life without it but have lived with it long enough for it to become as natural as a voice conversation 🙂

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nayana's StoriesOctober 22, 2021 at 12:23 AM

      Very True Uttara. All of us have to learn with the evolution of new generations taking over the old.

      Delete
  3. NaynaOctober 20, 2021 at 5:11 AM

    Nayna, This is Dipika. Human beings like to be part of a social group and not live alone. In olden days, these groups would be of your own friends - people you can relate to. What do you do when you meet? Chat about family, friends, good/bad things happening in your life, politics etc. Even in this close group when there is a personal event like Birthday, Anniversary people wish one another, don't we?? Like in school, when it was our Birthday, all 40-50 in the class used to sing "Happy Birthday " and wish us. Now take the same concept and expand it in the virtual world. Even now, when there is an event, everyone in the group wants to wish the Birthday girl, so they do .... since they are written messages there is a lot to scroll through. Instead, in the digital world you can just glance over and close the chat if there is nothing important. In the modern world, this is the best form of communication. Recently, in our school group, one of the girl's son had a tumor in the head and had to be operated. You should have seen how the group rallied together and said prayers for her son and supported her through her tough times. This would not have been possible if we were a physical group, meaning 50 people getting together to support her.

    I agree it gets too much at times but it is our choice on how much we read/scroll thru. Even in friends circle not every topic talked is interesting but we have to sit thru the conversation and cannot ignore the person.

    I spend, not more than 10 mins going thru the chat/What's app messages. If it is interesting topic. I read it else just flip thru it.

    Think about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nayana's StoriesOctober 22, 2021 at 12:27 AM

      Yes.. It's also about preferences in life some people feel supported by 50 people who follow each other. whereas to me only a message from a Dipika or an Asha is much more valuable than the 100's from my classmates. Thanks for responding.

      Delete

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