The Heart of Giving or Not Giving


When we see beggars on the road or people asking for help there are one little ring in the mind which asks us whether I should give or not give. The logic in me asks myself the question how deserving the person is, how fake the person is, or do I want to promote the act of asking amongst a certain category of people (like sadhus).

There is also another kind of people who are very large hearted feeling-oriented and will give irrespective of whether the asking is justified or not.

Often times I ask myself a question why do we give people who are capable of doing hard work and generating their own resources. There is a whole industry that runs on creating fake stories and popups that promotes the task of begging such instances make my heart boil and I tell myself no way  shall I give irrespective of who the person is. 

But on the second thought am I also being unfair and insensitive to the inequalities around me in our society definitely there are people who are much more resourceful and people who have nothing. In all fairness, I should be giving to create a fair and equilibrium in the world.

But my heart which becomes angry at the indignity and at the untruth of the asker I deprive even people who actually needs the funds or things.

If I reflect on my pattern of giving I see myself generous in giving away old clothes, things that I don’t use in house to the people I know. Here I justify the cause of giving and having a valid reason. In my mind that the person I am giving to in all fair chance has the genuine need.

I also give to institutions where they are NGO kinds and the need is in a structured format.

It is only when I see beggars or fake sanyasis on the streets my heart boils and wants to say no. So what is the internal dilemma that I go through in my acts of giving or receiving I wonder many times?

All of us struggle between the philanthropic selves which want to be generous and hearty and the logical miser selves who do not believe in giving to other. We have our own reasons and own pulls of the psyche which pulls us in either direction. In our society, culturally the generous are appreciated and valued, but reasons for holding back are yet not known to the world. So there is a cultural pull that makes one generous or not.

I see myself as generous to the people who have a valid reason to receive. When I buy 2 pairs of clothes, I give away 4. Still wondering which part of me is still alive.

Author:- Dr. Nayana Shah (Ph.D)

                Director, Manthan

               Ahmedabad

Comments

  1. MukeshJuly 28, 2021 at 1:01 AM

    Wondering how will be place Budh monks who are to seek bhiksha to survive. They do it to kill ego apart from perhaps treating fellow citizens as brothers and sisters.

    ReplyDelete
  2. SudeshnaAugust 23, 2021 at 11:47 PM

    Nayanaben- you are truly looking within- each of your posts highlight the inner dilemmas- which we often encounter- but do not wait to dwell upon.

    While reading this blog, I also wondered- yes- I make my own judgements/ analysis before giving alms- at times by taking at the look at the person begging- age, health condition, physical presentation, sometimes out of the pain I feel by simply looking at the eyes of the person- the helplessness that I feel they are having...
    At times, if the person asking is too persistent and persuasive and making me feel embarrased, then the reason to give is displaced (rather than giving with the urge to support or help... I would be giving -- just to get rid of)..
    At times, if I strongly feel that the person asking belongs to a gang - who are able bodied and yet finding this profession as an easy means to get an income - I refrain.
    At Visamo Kids, there is a kid who was into begging before she joined us. Currently she is studying in ione of the finest schools of Ahmedabad under ICSE board in Class VI.
    Many a times, I feel that 'this' was the best decision we took - at the time of finalising her admission- although we were not very sure (after meeting the parents and siblings) whether we as a team are equipped to handle her and the family as a whole --- we grew up with her- she taught us how to be and remain non judgemental towards people who are marginalised, how to improve our outreach to touch the lives of the most peripheral families.
    And finally, yes, as rightly said, as a member of an NGO, I engage into professional 'asking'- that forms a part of my profile- euphemestically quoted as' Resource Mobilisation'.

    ReplyDelete

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