Where has My Draupadi Disappeared

 

For many years I have internalized Draupadi as the core identity pattern in my universe. She evoked choices in me of being the fighter, fighting all battles and not giving up in life. She also evoked standards of a dignified context irrespective of the hurt and pain that she went through. Draupadi’s core identity was anger with authority and anger with system. For many years I too had internalized this nature as a core response pattern for myself. I operated more logical self from what was right and what was wrong. I got utterly scared to trample the universe for raw feelings and sensitivity although, internally I bled profusely. The Draupadi identity also gave me the option of being able to play multiple roles (in a way she played the role of a good wife with 5 Husbands). However there was always a pull of preference from one to other and she herself was confused where she really belonged. I tried to play multiple roles perfectly. That of the wife, the mother, the housekeeper, the professional, the NGO member, an active voice in the context and many others get pulled from one to others as none is given its due justice. So many times wonder where I belong.

Draupadi’s life ended with gruesome war fought with lot of internal pain, chaos and distress. She lost her own son and close family members.

To relate myself to this identity where life is almost at an end, lots of battles fought, lots of victories made and also lots of failures encountered to the war.

At times I have been able to sustain that dignity, that resilience, that fighting spirit that has been a long time core script in my life.

However, Corona has pulled us all two steps backwards from where we were all anchored. I completely feel at a loss of everything that I held dearly in life. So what do I really still stand for live for and fight for. All weapons seem to be lost and wearing away. So, what do I really hold I can call my life and sustenance?

I too am losing patience, losing all the meanings that I held precious for such a long time. The system and the context has become extremely vulnerable and you are jumping only from one end to the other.

The fighter in me is tired giving away and almost hoping when it will be my turn to say goodbye.

We as a society are completely losing our own identity, our resilience and only waiting for that right time, right moment for a magical wand to come and say ”Here goes your curse”.

Everyday new roadmaps are offered by the system. But which one do I really trust to put my feet on. Each day there is a negation of the previous path taken. So, we sit in fear and apprehension awaiting the right choice to be available.

Draupadis will come, Sitas will come but where do I go from here is the larger dilemma each one is facing and encountering.

Author: - Ph.D. Nayana Shah

             Director, Manthan

             Ahmedabad

Comments

  1. IndiraMay 18, 2021 at 1:02 AM

    Worth thinking about

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownMay 18, 2021 at 2:00 AM

    This time shall also pass. Every crisis has a solution. Patience & positive thinking as our arsenals will ensure our sustenance & continue to provide meaning to our life.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownMay 18, 2021 at 5:36 AM

    Beautifully written. You have captured the helplessness and anger of us all very well. This is a passing phase in our lives and we need to be patient and wise, follow the rules for Covid and help each other in whatever way we can. You will see a stronger and better Draupadi emerge from it. Stay strong and be safe!

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownMay 18, 2021 at 6:03 AM

    Very thoughtfully written and expressed very brilliant ly. Good luck Dr Nayana and stay safe & healthy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownMay 18, 2021 at 8:59 AM

    Thoughtful and beautiful

    ReplyDelete
  6. BinaMay 19, 2021 at 12:36 AM

    I always say, there are two pandemics in the world at present, first is corona, second is fear and depression from corona. The first pandemic is beyond our control, it will go when it will go. But the second pandemic is within our control. Our mind, our thoughts, our spirit, our attitude to life, our creativity, our activities, our compassion, our feelings are within our control. Very consciously, we need to avoid thinking, talking, listening about covid. We need to make our lives as pleasant and fulfilling as possible, under the circumstances.
    You have started blogging, that’s a great development. I congratulate for the same. I look forward to reading positive and thoughtful articles from you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. UnknownMay 19, 2021 at 1:34 AM

    I am sure Draupadi , Sita and all noble SOUL will fight all these odd transitory situations with Infinite Strength with a direct Ultimate Source of Energy flowing continueously from Lord Krishna and Lord Ram to them ....and through them for the benefit of ALL. Nicely expressed Dr Nayana ji.

    ReplyDelete
  8. MukeshJune 15, 2021 at 2:56 AM

    Struggle for existence is eternal. Adapting to the changing living conditions is the key. Our survival against odds is the result of such struggle and therefore is motivating enough for us not to give up.

    ReplyDelete
  9. SudeshnaJune 29, 2021 at 10:45 PM

    When we can't do anything; that which is not in our control and is external to us, we can do a lot with the 'variables'. I agree with Bina. A lot in within our control- need to focus only on that.

    This is certainly not a time to wait for choices to be created or served, but an opportunity to be at the source of creating choices for us and others.

    It is nice to see you start blogging... that's amazing!

    ReplyDelete

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